I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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