How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
