why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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