There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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