Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
