last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
