you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
