Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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