Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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