I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
