He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
