4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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