He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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