Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She bit a glass in half.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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