IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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