Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
