He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just tell him i said nine months
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
