i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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