bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
