Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
