Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i came on her dog
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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