i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
