Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Who died my cat blue again?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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