I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
