he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
