Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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