I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
