I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were trust falling into bushes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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