Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
