new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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