I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
