My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
