he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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