is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
