my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
