I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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