The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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