Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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