$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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