She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
