Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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