Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
