I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
