i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
