i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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