I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
