I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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