We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
