At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
