Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
