I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
