My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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