Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
