the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
