A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
