Ketchup is God's man juice
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
