I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
