Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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