I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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