If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
