Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
